uncertainty

Friday, December 29, 2017


I think the first time I truly believed that I had "blown" God's plan for me was when I applied to University. I was so prideful during the process. My sister had advised me to apply to Universities in Toronto, but I had my heart set on applying to anything but Toronto Universities.

When I didn't get accepted to the school I wanted to go to for Computer Science, I became very insecure about my future, and wondered if I should have applied for the schools in Toronto, because I at least would have been accepted there.

But then suddenly, I got offered admission to a school outside of Toronto, in the city where I went to church. It seemed like God was giving me a new path to follow and I made sure to follow. But, my first year of University was possibly the hardest year for me. I felt extremely lonely, inept, and completely useless. While all my friends in Toronto were doing amazing things that glorified God, I looked at myself and saw failure. I truly believed that God had a plan for me in Toronto, but here I was in Mississauga.

And then, now here I sit on my couch, not anxious about the results of my exams and enjoying my extended "holiday". While the first weeks of my freedom from school were relaxing, the lack of activity from job offers definitely made me wonder what I had gotten myself into.

I would wonder what God wanted me to do if I were in University, and how much more I could have been doing for him. But I just sit here, sending out my resume's to jobs I know will never respond, and dreaming of a future that I wonder if I'll ever get. Where I sit now, I truly believe that in someway, I managed to veer off the path of God's plan for me and somehow am now headed to a destination that I definitely don't want to stop at.

The quote above convicted me to my core.

How silly of me to actually believe that I could actually change God's plan for my life. In Jeremiah 29:11, God tells me that he has plans to give me hope and a future. Now, let's give some context, God is saying this to a group of people that had to wait seventy years before God's plan was fulfilled. That's the hardest part, the wait.

But you know, I've noticed so many blessings in my life right now. I know God knows the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4) and I have confidence that whatever may happen in my future is a plan to prosper me and not harm me. Right now, I'm trying to take delight in the journey. Who knows what 2018 has to offer, but I want to make sure I enjoy each day that the Lord gives me and love every blessing he gives me.

Like honestly guys, God has been giving me so many amazing opportunities in which I can work for him and glorify him and build his Kingdom. My future seems so uncertain right now, but God is equipping me for whatever the outcome may be, and I want to make sure I'm fully prepared for his amazing plan. I'm not powerful enough to change his plan, and neither are you, friend. Try and find peace in that, because I have now.

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