it's going to be lit

Friday, January 12, 2018

Guys. There is no possible way at all in this entire world to ever be able to fully thank God. Have you ever just felt SO overwhelmed with gratitude that you just want to shout it out loud "THANK YOU LORD!"

Currently my feelings.

I'll be honest, 2017 was a difficult year. Things just didn't seem to be working out in my favour. I don't think I had ever felt so much pain, and loneliness before in my life, but that was all 2017 seemed to give me. I felt so inadequate, so useless, and just feeling like I wasn't doing anything for God.

Funny enough, 2017 happened to also be the year where my relationship with God had grown to an all time high. I felt so close to my Lord and good too, because I was in so much need of him!

Why, do you ask, am I feeling extremely grateful? It's only been eight days into 2018 and God is ALREADY blessing me. Like, far, far too much.

I'm excited for 2018, guys. God is blessing me from right to left with chances to serve him and his Kingdom and I can't wait to do so. What do I have to look forward to in 2018?

1. Getting my driver's license! Last year I FINALLY got my G1, and now, just before school starts, I'll be able to start driving myself around just before school!

2. I'm back in school! I mean, prayerfully I am. I applied to a few colleges for Event Management, and I'm awaiting anxiously for my acceptance/rejection letters to come through! I will actually be doing something I enjoy doing :)

3. I've been put into leadership positions and giving opportunities to lead and serve for God in the church. My dream has always been to work full-time in my church and use the talents God gave me to glorify him. Even if full-time ministry isn't God's plan for me, having this opportunity to serve in this way is exciting!

4. I get to go to the Philippines! I went to Alaska about three years ago to do some volunteer work for a camp over there, and now I get the amazing opportunity to head across the world to Aklan Philippines to build a pre-school and help a community!

5. Living on my own. I mean, hopefully I want be fully alone, and that I get to live with someone, but I know I probably won't be living with my siblings for much longer. But how fun it would be, to have pure independence!

6. Weddings! I mean, only one for now, but I LOVE weddings, and the fact that I finally get to go to one is extremely exciting!!

Honestly guys, God is too good and I'm lost for words, my goodness holy moly. I hope your 2018s have started off well as well!



Friday, December 29, 2017

I think the first time I truly believed that I had "blown" God's plan for me was when I applied to University. I was so prideful during the process. My sister had advised me to apply to Universities in Toronto, but I had my heart set on applying to anything but Toronto Universities.

When I didn't get accepted to the school I wanted to go to for Computer Science, I became very insecure about my future, and wondered if I should have applied for the schools in Toronto, because I at least would have been accepted there.

But then suddenly, I got offered admission to a school outside of Toronto, in the city where I went to church. It seemed like God was giving me a new path to follow and I made sure to follow. But, my first year of University was possibly the hardest year for me. I felt extremely lonely, inept, and completely useless. While all my friends in Toronto were doing amazing things that glorified God, I looked at myself and saw failure. I truly believed that God had a plan for me in Toronto, but here I was in Mississauga.

And then, now here I sit on my couch, not anxious about the results of my exams and enjoying my extended "holiday". While the first weeks of my freedom from school were relaxing, the lack of activity from job offers definitely made me wonder what I had gotten myself into.

I would wonder what God wanted me to do if I were in University, and how much more I could have been doing for him. But I just sit here, sending out my resume's to jobs I know will never respond, and dreaming of a future that I wonder if I'll ever get. Where I sit now, I truly believe that in someway, I managed to veer off the path of God's plan for me and somehow am now headed to a destination that I definitely don't want to stop at.

The quote above convicted me to my core.

How silly of me to actually believe that I could actually change God's plan for my life. In Jeremiah 29:11, God tells me that he has plans to give me hope and a future. Now, let's give some context, God is saying this to a group of people that had to wait seventy years before God's plan was fulfilled. That's the hardest part, the wait.

But you know, I've noticed so many blessings in my life right now. I know God knows the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4) and I have confidence that whatever may happen in my future is a plan to prosper me and not harm me. Right now, I'm trying to take delight in the journey. Who knows what 2018 has to offer, but I want to make sure I enjoy each day that the Lord gives me and love every blessing he gives me.

Like honestly guys, God has been giving me so many amazing opportunities in which I can work for him and glorify him and build his Kingdom. My future seems so uncertain right now, but God is equipping me for whatever the outcome may be, and I want to make sure I'm fully prepared for his amazing plan. I'm not powerful enough to change his plan, and neither are you, friend. Try and find peace in that, because I have now.


First to Third

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

I've been writing my novel for 5 stinking years. It started off with a female character named Josie Parker, terrible grammar and spelling, unoriginal idea, and horrid character development. My original story: "Josie Parker and her adventure to Afia" went through three different versions until I reached the version it's at now. No title, just a story.

My hope and dream is to finally finish it. Every year I tell myself I'm going to finish it, but I never do, and I feel more and more disappointed in myself. But it's going to happen. No matter how long. Even if I'm turning 80, this book is going to be published.

So many times I've considered giving up. I actually deleted one version of my story when I was writing it at the time because I was done. But, there was something about my characters that made me keep going. I knew their lives, their quirks, their likes and dislikes, the girl they liked at twelve, the pain they went through when their grandfather died. I knew all of this, and I couldn't get myself to just throw it all away.

And so, here I am, still writing this never ending story.

The craziest thing? I actually finished it. I made it from the first to the last chapter, and I've been editing for the last year and a half. AND THEN, I, for some crazy reason decided to completely re-write the story from it's original first-person to third-person.

I originally wrote the first version of the story in third-person, but I got really intrigued by novels that were laid out as diaries that were written by the main character, and decided to follow in pursuit. But man did I hate it. And now, I'm semi-satisfied with where my book has come to now.

My deadline? November 2018

It will be finished!